I swear I will update more

This break has been surprisingly eventful. Usually when I'm off school, I lay around watching Judge Hatchett and avoiding the outside world, but this was not the case.

Christmas was great. I got a great pair of Steve Madden boots, seasons 2-4 of The Office, and money (of which there is three dollars left)
Thursday I went shopping at Forever 21 and bought clothes that will undoubtedly fall apart after three wears. Apparently, no one ever taught the Guatemalan children that work in sweat shops how to sew a fucking hem.
Then Kyle came down to Kentucky spur of the moment. I see this kid maybe three times a year, so that was a pleasant surprise.
The rest of my week consisted of shopping, seeing Zack and Miri for the second time, Clifton's hookah bar (where I ran into Beechwood people), and meeting drunk people at Waffle House at three in the morning.

I Have Returned

Oh yes, Internet. Instead of completing Scarlet Letter questions/applying to college/getting a job, I have decided to spend all of my time on the sweet, loving, maternal world wide web. It's a great idea, really. The internet doesn't make me read horribly overwritten literature. The internet doesn't ask me what my major will be. The internet doesn't tell me to shower. No, the internet welcomes me with a warm embrace, all the while stroking my hair and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

I actually have been applying to college. Hunter College, Pace University, Marymount Manhattan, and Eugene Lang College. All in New York City. When I tell people this, they usually reply with "You're not staying in Kentucky? What? Me no understand. Everyone stays in Kentucky. Why?" Which is exactly the reason I am leaving*.

I have a Speech and Drama Christmas Extravaganza tomorrow. The required outfit is black pants and a red shirt. Unfortunately , I owned neither, so I kindly asked my mother to go and buy something cheap. She ended up buying me pants at the local K-Mart that look like this:

The thing I love most about my mother is that she has a keen eye for fashion. These are fucking classy! They're like a cross between leggings and the pants that a husky third grader would wear (aka exactly my style!)

Oh and Joel Mchale will be at The Taft January 18th. And I will be there seducing him with my eyes.


*How embarrassing would it be for me if I didn't get into any of those colleges and was forced to go to Northern Kentucky University?

Ben Folds "You Don't Know Me"

Featuring Regina Spektor(!). Directed by Tim and Eric (!!!!!)

VP DEBATE DRINKING GAME!

I copypasta'd from ONTD. These can be used for any of the upcoming debates.

ONE SHOT EVERY TIME A CANDIDATE SAYS:

"Iraq"
"Iran"
"Russia" (two shots if Alaska is mentioned in the same sentence)
"offshore drilling"
"alternative energy"
"George Bush" from a Democrat
"rescue package" from a Democrat or "bailout" from a Republican
every time Barack Obama has to correct John McCain
every time John McCain says "you don't understand"

TWO SHOTS FOR:

"bailout" from a Democrat or "rescue package" from a Republican
"Israel"
"Pakistan"
"nuclear power"
"Phil Gramm" or "Jeremiah Wright"
"clean coal" (add a shot if clean coal is criticized; if West Virginia or Kentucky are referenced the shots must be of moonshine)
every time Barack Obama corrects John McCain while McCain is still talking
every time Sarah Palin gives a specific answer about policy
every time Joe Biden says "you don't understand"

THREE SHOTS FOR:

"nuclear" pronounced as "nucular"
"Alaska Independence Party" or "William Ayres"
John McCain or Sarah Palin criticizing George Bush
every time Joe Biden swears (minor-damn, hell, etc.)
every time Sarah Palin says "you don't understand"

DRINK THE WHOLE DAMN BOTTLE IF:

Barack Obama goes off on John McCain (if he swears, down another bottle)
John McCain goes off on Barack Obama (if he swears, down another bottle, if he drops an n-bomb, empty your pockets and buy as much additional alcohol as that will buy you)
Joe Biden swears (Seven Dirty Words; also, drink a bottle of wine if he appears to be hitting on Sarah Palin at any point)
Sarah Palin begins crying (another bottle if she starts speaking in tongues)
any candidate is actually accused of treason
the moderators ask any of the Bridgekeeper questions from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

lol wut

Tom Delonge singing "Undone" with Weezer


1. Tom, A) Seriously, what happened to your voice? I know you were never a great singer but it sounds like you're gargling Draino. B) You are not Bono. You are 1/3 of a now defunct pop punk band. I'm aware that you suck at guitar (don't deny it, I've heard you live) but you need something to hold so you don't look awkward. Seriously, stop with the hand dancing.
2. Rivers, less mustache, more glasses. You look like the guy who used to hang around my junior high.

Fuck you, David Blaine

"Rubenstein Associates represents David Blaine and I personally have handled publicity for every one of his challenges. There has been no claim that David was going to hang upside down for 60 hours without a break. In all of his discussions with the media, he said he would have to occasionally get his head above his heart and lower his legs to correct circulation. About once every hour, David comes upright for about five minutes for a medical and equipment check. He has something to drink and he relieves himself, something even David can't do upside down.

His doctors told him quite simply that if he didn't correct blood flow, he could die."

If you aren't going to hang upside down for 60 hours, at least have the common decency to piss on yourself. Asshole.

Oh, and Clay Aiken is officially gay. In a related story, bears shit in the woods.

No words

My father (who I am pretty much positive thinks I'm a lesbian) and I just had an interesting conversation:
Dad: Hey, remember how you said you didn't want kids?
Me: Yeah
Dad: Have you ever thought about selling your eggs?
Me:......... No


The sad thing is, I am so poor that it almost sounds like a good idea.